Xiaohu @ Guelph

我已经离开Guelph了，都快整一个月了。

好不容易再次登录进入到这里，只想告诉任何关心这个blog的人（认识的，不认识的）：我不再这里写文章了。

 最主要的原因是我离开Guelph了，应该不会再回去了。但Guelph占据了我生命中的4年，很重要的4年（尽管这个blog是我到了Guelph差不多一整年后才开始写）；重要，是因为经历过的事，流过的泪，无论是在眼里还是心里的泪，永远不会忘记Guelph。
另外，离开Guelph也就意味着我以...

刚从yourblog转过来的时候要求我认证邮箱，所以把我的hotmail贡献出来；

结果现在都不认我这个用户了，只能从blogbus发到hotmail的认证连接进入所谓的后台，点xiaohu个人资料也是Page/file not found。

看来我到了火星上了，没有语言了...

所以我在考虑不再这里写了

现在登录进来也是通过一种完全非正常的渠道

我在guelph的日子也不多了

下面这个好玩(如果你玩linux的话，注意它的reasoning/argument)

 http://www.winehq.org/site/why

看看这个就知道什么叫作 ‘不可能的任务’，amazing，unbelievable

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=isIZuG4RFw0

 偶然看周星驰的 龙的传人，对其中的弧线球尤其着迷，在youtube随便输入pool，google suggest带到这个链接

 

我带着做实验的同事看见我在校内上写东西，他立即就知道这是很类似Facebook的一个东西，并且还能（在这个中文的校内网页面）精确地指出来（左上角的）“搜索／找人”
呵呵，也许很多东西都太相似了吧；所以一个好的idea真的是可以得到最广泛的群众认同

恰巧今日读书，The glory and the dream里边提到林肯说过的话，one can do anything with public opinion, nothing with...

bloody hell

油价涨了，现在票价都跟着涨

昨晚发现guelph的公车票价涨了12％，从以前的2块到现在的2.25

5月26日我送护照去多伦多，来回车票22.**；一个月后6月26日，已经是24.**

机票更是心中的痛。

涨价对我这样的穷人是最最打击的。

还没有去买米，不知道现在涨成什么样子了。

这年头，生活啊...

先看看这个你就知道什么是Chinese checkers
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chinese_Checkers

偶然在linux下玩google gadegts，本来想找个中国的日历挂在桌面上的（这样我就知道中国的节日什么时候到来），一看只有Chinese checkers，装上来，没看明白，查说明才知道其实就是跳棋嘛。

但这个checkers（西方的）我也玩过，不过是跟一个上小学的女孩子玩，脸红啊，哈哈。
我们系里的中国教授夫妇的女儿，很厉害，自己在家用纸做的，我们这一帮硕士生博士生都玩不过她，再次脸红。
不过我第一次玩，还真的差点把她给消灭了，这一点让我颇为得意；但最后还是被她干掉了（我输了的理由是身边人太多，嘴太杂，哈哈）。
等第二次玩，几个月后了，一上来就玩完了，小女孩就说没意思不跟我玩，很扫兴，呵呵。

坦白地说，这辈子从来没觉得电脑好玩过，直到我在自己的机器上运行起了linux
所以说windows有点愚化人的意思，尽管很多东西他家做得确实很不错，都自动化，傻瓜式，但接触linux才知道电脑应该这样玩才有意思。不过这么说也冤枉了Gates同学，毕竟他的原意是好的。而且我喜欢linux也完全是个人行为，不应该强加给别人。
有意思完全因为一点：享受解决问题的快乐（这一点与作研究是共通的）。
我要装个软件，比如中文输入系统，不是说你下载下来，然后就可以自动运行。这是windows的哲学；但对于我个人而言，还是觉得不得劲，一点浪漫气息都没有；在linux下，就不一样了，下载源文件也可以在命令行下达下载命令，成就感从这里就开始了（在windows下虽然也是自己点，然后保存，但没那个劲头，不来劲儿）。完了之后还要设置，setup/configure，这就更让我感觉有意思，而且非常浪漫的一个过程，寻找，尝试，查漏，再尝试，...是一个斗争的过程，一个学习提高的过程，明白计算机怎么工作的一个过程（虽然我不求真的理解计算机工作原理，这辈子没那个功夫）。总之，非常带劲儿。

还有很多东西可以玩的，哈哈。

我是高中毕业那年接触电脑的，也许农村人吧，自那个时刻起就对这个玩意有点恐惧。
整整8年了，才被linux征服；在北京的时候也玩过一小段的，但没有机会真正享受起来，因为没有自己的机器。

"Writing is a lonely job. Having someone who believes in you makes a lot of difference."
---King, Stephen

他的书没看过，但知道他很成功，到处是他的新书。
vova曾经推荐过，但始终没有机会
这句话无意中被人引用，看来他是个不错的写手，呵呵。
这也是这么几个月以后给dyp写信的一个感受吧。

http://www.talkcc.net/article/1673909
"修改一个大bug便会有那种愤怒被咬醒后一掌拍死那只叮你五大包的蚊子，看到血花四溅时的巨大成就感."

这也是我编程序的切身感受；
一般地说，玩电脑都这样子 ：我现在是在linux下输中文，听歌
这样的“奢侈”在过去用linux的四年都没能享受到（ 处于安全考虑，我们用的linux box都被管理员限制了很多功能，几乎除了运行程序，别的都不可能奢望。这就是组织生活或者社会所赋予的束缚），实在很痛快，哈哈

写到这里不由得想起xin xi同学对我对zhou shan同学拍的日落照片的评论 的评论“酸”，在我自己看来再朴实不过了：
4年以来躲在地下室，白天早上进门，到晚上出门，外边发生过什么没有任何一丝一毫的察觉，等到下班了，外边变化好大，尽管只是下雨下雪温度变化，但还是让我感叹，人是有血有肉的。
不住在地下室，不能理解

难怪大家都喊 知己难求
要全程地处在同一个环境下做一样的工作才行吧（必要但不充分）；这样的缘分恐怕很难，尤其在这样的一个动荡的社会下（Greespan的新书里的turbulence很有这个境地）

Page 141,
"’Individual psychology cannot, because of human weakness, be attuned for long periods of time to constant repetition of the highest note in the scale.’"

The glory and the dream: A narrative history of of America 1932-1972, by William Manchester
读到大萧条时代前的历史背景，很有感触，摘抄下来。

"Such men had been raised to believe that if you worked diligently, you would succeed. Now failure was dragging down the diligent and the shiftless alike. Men are demoralized, ...
In the aftermath of the World War, the techniques of mass production combined to the efficiency per man-hour by over 40%. This enormous output of good clearly required a corresponding increase of consumer buying power-that is, higher wages. But the worker’s income in the 1920s didn’t rise with his productivity. In the golden year of 1929, Brookings economists calculated that to supply the barest necessities a family would need an income of $2000 a year-more than 60% of American families were earning. In short, the ability to buy did not keep abreast of the volume of goods being turned out. It was part of the foolishness of the time to argue that the surge in production was no problem, that ’a good salesman can sell anything.’ In practice this meant that while the rich (and many who weren’t rich) were speculating in stocks, zealous salesmen were encouraging a kind of mass speculation. Customers of limited means were being persuaded to take products anyhow, the exchange being accomplished by an overextension of credit."

"The stock market, honeycombed with credit in the form of brokers’ loans, crashed of its own weight, calling to account the millions of little deals consummated by commercial travelers who had sold anything and everything to people lacking the means to pay for it."

"Between the Crash and 1932, the cruelest year of the Depression, ... To protect investments, prices had to be maintained. Sales ebbed, so costs were cut by laying off men. The unemployed could not buy the goods of others industries. Therefore sales dropped further, leading to more layoffs and a general shrinkage of purchasing power, until farmers were pauperized by the poverty of industrial workers, who in turn were pauperized by the poverty of farmers.’Neither has the money to buy the product of the other’,’Hence, we have overproduction and underconsumption at the same time in the same country.’"

昨晚回家，下车，听见一堆女生中两个人这么对话：

"...,let me know"
"I’ll facebook you"

语言真是很有意思的东西，要自己体会的很多；
所以中国人说的“悟道”其实也蛮切合实际的；不可言传，unteachable。

以前我的同事Raf也经常把 wikipeida 当动词用，想要找到什么信息，比如 NMR，直接wikipedia NMR就好了；
google也是如此。

另外这些个例子都和时代紧密联系着，科技真的是日新月异，正如4/5年前在中科院听周光召的报告（纪念DNA双螺旋结构的发现，交叉学科发展），他提到的科技是社会文化的强有力的推动因素，创造出了许许多多的文化现象。
的确然。

咋一看，我还以为是protein（我玩了将近四年的东东）
而且还用在写克林顿夫妇的一本书里（作者给尼克松工作过）
一查韦伯词典，还很有意思的一个词：
1 : of or resembling Proteus in having a varied nature or ability to assume different forms
2 : displaying great diversity or variety : versatile


ps
这是我在自己的电脑上完成的第一篇

写正是的内容之前抱怨一下：写东西为什么一定要标题？
（似乎我在写这个blog的最开初时候就抱怨过，呵呵）

中国人在最近的两个大事件（奥运火炬海外传递和５１２汶川大地震）中的表现
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2008_Olympic_Torch_Relay
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2008_Sichuan_earthquake

很扣动我的心弦，无论我的身份（文化上）如何，都是值得令人思考的，无论从政治还是文化的角度。

就好比我昨天读到的一个中国人写中国经济（http://www.cchere.net/article/610592）文章，看下来，我就两个想法：看不懂，独特。
中国的很多事情都看不懂，这里特指政治和文化：
有了国外的democracy，中国的这次赈灾会更好？
（且不问怎么发生的，能不能避免之类的话题；只关心“在发生灾难面前，政治上中国人怎么面对”）
我也看到东南亚的一些网民在Economist上发帖子说 I am tired of democracy。很有意思，另外，这种观点又不在democracy的西方人士中；
换个问题：问什么democracy只发生在西方而不是东方？
（我是个做科学研究的人，另外一个平行的问题是，为什么西方的那套自然科学思想体系（进而社会科学思想体系）没有在东方发生？）
再客观地问：Does democracy solve every problem we are facing on this planet?
我个人的带极具主观个人色彩的非深入的回答是： maybe NOT.

具体的一个例子，我同事（被democracy说服了的来自波兰的小帅哥）总跟我说，波兰的democracy就是一夜之间没有暴力（社会稳定地）就完成了，中国也可以！
他靠逻辑吃饭，居然在这个事情上没有一点科学精神！
If A and B are two identical systems, you disturb A and B in exactly the same way, surely A and B will behave in exactly the same manner. This is exactly what happens in the lab, in a lot of work we are doing everyday!
However, what if A and B are not identical? Everyone who receives serious high education in any university in the world should answer this question with caution.
他连中国和波兰是两个不一样的系统都不愿意承认，跟西方人讨论有任何帮助吗？
在海外的民运分子，我就觉得是吃饱了撑着；
问，他们之中有几个能够看清中国这个社会的？又有几个看清楚了西方社会，领略到西方社会的精髓？

再具体一点，同样的小帅哥，说中国人民应该用referendum来解决Tibet问题。
在中文里，都没有跟referendum这个系统相对应的词语，你要中国人用你们的方式来解决中国的问题？
GIVE ME A BREAK

所以西方人也是吃饱了撑着；如果他们真的care，请放弃你们的生活方式，把钱拿出来，捐出来给没有饭吃的世界人民，到贫困的世界各地，学习他们的语言，了解他们的生活，了解他们的疾苦／需要，然后贡献。

西方人很狭隘，很多人，虽然不是全部。
反过来，东方人就相对来的宽容的多，接受KFC, MacDonald，NBA...

不过这种状况也是历史遗留下来的，我个人观察。
想象，倘若中国在历史上一直维持着昌盛，中国的大清皇帝都跟雍正一样勤奋，加上一点点的开放心态，恐怕这个世界的发展又是另外一个景象了。
我们中国人讲，３０年河东，３０年河西，历史会怎么走，未来会如何，瞪着瞧，let’s wait and see

Found the following speech interesting
http://www.benedictine.edu/benedictine.aspx?pgID=1186&newsID=1404&exCompID=358
And in particular the following remarks resonates, to more or less extent, with my thinking,

"First, who you marry is far more important than what career you choose. Over the course of a life that has taken me across three continents, I have met many accomplished men and women. And I have always been astonished by the number who give more thought to choosing the job they may hold for a couple of years than to choosing the spouse to whom they will pledge – before God and their friends – to remain with until death they do part.

Second, no professional achievement – no matter how extraordinary – can match the thrill of seeing the absolute love and confidence reflected in the trusting eyes of a child who calls you Mom or Dad.

Finally, you will not find lasting happiness by pursuing it. Happiness is the byproduct of a contented life. And the surest path to a contented life is to put the needs of others before your own."

最先看到的是这个版本
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/asia-pacific/7407657.stm

然后看到这个更全面一些
http://www.tudou.com/programs/view/lGfz_1d0mKU/

是啊，很想在那一刻，身在中国，为自己的同胞哀悼。

最近（其实老早就开始了）也一直在思考究竟“中国人”该怎么定义的，或者说“中国人”是怎么炼成的。
我想，在这种时刻，应该就是铸就一颗中国心最关键的时刻了，因为全世界其他地方/民族的人并不做这件事情，唯有“中国人”才参与其中；可却身为中国人的我不能经历那一刻，尽管我也会感动，看到上边的镜头，但这种感动放在其他民族的人身上也可能发生的。所以在这个意义上，“中国人”在我这里就脱节了。

不应该。

怎么办？

理性地，这个问题可以表述成：如何把个人生活和社会生活整合，（这里省去了一个副词“在...条件下”，不知道怎么表达）？

I am glad to read the following two articles from Globe and Mail:

http://www.theglobeandmail.com/servlet/story/RTGAM.20080516.wchina17/BNStory/International/home?cid=al_gam_mostview
http://www.theglobeandmail.com/servlet/story/RTGAM.20080517.wstojko0517/BNStory/National/?cid=al_gam_mostdiscuss

The first one was good by itself.
At least I see somehow "positive" comments on China/Chinese society and even the Chinese government.
No matter how many problems in China for the time being, the society and the government do earn credit.

The comments in the 2nd article are encouraging.
I do see grown-up westerners.

I was determined to double the original donation amount to the earthquake relief when I came across:
http://www.mitbbs.com/news_wenzhang/Headline/31169044.html

The good thing is that the other half of my donation is made in DYP’s name.
She was glad when I spoke to her about this matter.

What do they mean by posting an article titled " ‘No Hope’ for Children Buried in Earthquake"
What’s their intension of saying "no hope"?
Can they not say anything more encouraging at this moment in need of HOPE?
TMD
http://www.nytimes.com/2008/05/13/world/asia/13scene.html?hp

昨晚在家，深夜了，11点半，听歌，朴树的 且听风吟

头一句是 “突然落下的夜晚...”
突然想到英文的说法 the night falls...

我相信二者之间不是因为了交流才有的第二方，或者说不是由中文翻译到英文文，人们才开始“the night falls”；也不是英文翻译成中文，人们才说 “落下的夜晚” 。

这个倒是反驳了我一直以来的一个想法，东方人和西方人是不一样的；或者更广泛地说，人和人是不一样的。
因为很显然，大家彼此说着自己的语言，但东西方人都想到一块去了。
这个倒是可以解释成“人类起源于非洲，然后分散到世界各地”；所以等到大家有了各自的语言，还说着一样的事情，所以终究地还是有一个最原始的起源。

也难怪我们人类有“宇宙起源于一个奇点(singularity)”的想法。

很有意思...

"Dark Matter" drew the public attention recently, including myself, driving people to think about being a graduate student. Here is an article that might give some general ideas on being a graduate students (for many years in the youth):
http://www.nytimes.com/2007/03/27/science/27dark.html?pagewanted=1

In particular, I want to point out serveral comments made in the above article:
" ’It’s about power, in a way.’ That would be the nearly feudalistic power that a graduate adviser has over his student...That grueling process has been the crucible in which new scientists are made ever since Plato mentored Aristotle, and although it rarely leads to murder, it can often lead to disaffection, strife and lifelong feuds."
This is exactly what happened to me recently, though it was obscured for a long time.

" ’It’s hard to understand just how powerless you can feel as a graduate student unless you have been a graduate student.’ "
Indeed this is precisely POWERLESS what I am feeling right now.

" ’The bond between student and adviser is almost like getting married. You’re going to be working and interacting with this person the rest of your life’ "

" Asian students were often marginalized because of a perception, which he called “unstated racism,” that they are exceptionally smart and are there to work 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. As a result they wind up as cogs in the research machine and remain isolated from the rest of the community and the culture. "

If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?
By Albert Einstein

The moment I entered the office this morning around 8:15, JJ was telling me "Einstein is right, ..."
Then came the above quote.

Surely he is RIGHT.
Recently, both BL21 Codon+ cells (last Saturday) and BL21 DE3 (today) failed to grow in M9 media, though the same M9 media was made Monday for yesterday’s BL21 Codon+ and today’s BL21 DE3 growth.
So I really don’t know why it failed twice while it never happened to me before last Saturday and I have no clue why it occurred consecutively TWICE within one week.

Frustrated?
Yes and No
.....

I was toooo naive on OGS (Ontario Graduate Scholarship) application.
There was very much internal politics, obscured at the time that I submitted the application and I was holding hope for it and unaware of it until the announcement.

It’s actually NOT a good idea for ME to post this, but, whatever...

"Straight Talk About Casual Sex"
http://www.americanthinker.com/2008/04/straight_talk_about_casual_sex.html

在LLL的推荐下，访问了cchere.net几次，看到两句颇有意思的话。

第一句大意说，人的能力与欲望往往成反比。

第二句，倒不是什么特别的话，有点俏皮罢了，大致说（他的）白雪公主正在打呼噜，呵呵。

"more better" is not correct in terms of English grammar.
But RJ used it and keep in mind that he moved to Canada when he was little. He did his all his close to 20 years of schooling in English.

So whoever makes mistakes in English, relax!

Very bad that V lied to me during the money issue concerning the summer payment.

The story goes like this.
He was telling me that he was NOT able to afford to hire me as a research associate (as he did for Lg last summer).
The truth is that he now has to pay 9781.64 to cover my tuition and living expenses, while I would get less than 8000 if I work as an RA.
This is a lie by definition. And he repeated this lie several times!
And he lied in my face!

Very sad.

This is ridiculous.

The plasmid I got 2.5 years ago from another lab was proved incorrect on its own!

What does this imply?

I have too much to say about this; however, I have said F**K too many today, so I need to keep silent for NOW.

中午跟vova闲聊（最近工作的积极性不是很高），谈到了很多事情。尤其他问我，２月份我在中国的时候，Did you feel that you are back at home or you are just a visitor？
我立即回答说我 I feel home。

他回忆起他离开乌克兰三年后再回去，尽管他的父母在那里，但他觉得他跟那里的人和事已经 detached，已经没有联系，没有 bond,　他已经不适合那里的生活了，那里的人和事都还停留在三年前他离开的位置，而他已经迈步往前走了。他在那个时候告诉他自己 This is not home any longer, I need to build a home somewhere else.
最终他带着他的全家到了加拿大（２００３），永久性地安顿下来，他自己有了工作，他的妻子也在大学念硕士，两个孩子都在上学。
我想他应该已经找到了他的家吧。我的家又在哪里？

现在的想法是（vova也是这么建议的），应该回去中国工作一段时间，真正地生活，用心去体验，我才能够决定我还属不属于那里。我在中国的所有记忆都还停留在学校，所以很难下结论中国是不是我的家。
另外，加拿大对我来说也还只停留在求学这个位置上，谈不上家！
如果明天有人要我永久性决定安顿在一个地方，我应该会选择中国：那里至少我有更多跟我上学的朋友，小学，中学，大学；我还有很多血缘联系着的亲人；也有一些非血缘联系着的长辈，朋友。在加拿大，恐怕我什么都没有，虽然vova提到我有新的朋友，但这新一披的朋友都是有限的，很难延伸的。在中国我可以扎根，然后成长，枝叶繁茂；在加拿大，恐怕不容易扎根。
３月１号，我被我父亲的朋友点名去吃饭，桌上有一个小学老师，很能说话，话很体面。
她问我，热爱加拿大多一些还是热爱中国多一些。我迟疑了一下，没有直面回答她，但我心里在想：她问错了．不过很让我不理解的是，她然后自己下结论说，我肯定热爱加拿大更多一些。
我立即回答说，话不是这么讲的，我父母在这里，朋友在这里，为什么我热爱加拿大多一些？我父亲也不同意她这么说，呵呵。后来我们没有太说下去，如果我在台上作报告，也许我可以更好地回答她的问题吧，在饭桌上，我是小辈，我吃饭就好了，那天的饭菜的确很好吃：板鸭和豆腐，还有牛肉！

ps
When writing "somewhere else", I googled it and the following link popped up, an interesting song:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LPooop-crcE